45 minutes of shame

God, I can be obnoxious. That was confirmed today when the one HR person at my table told me so to my face during my performance. They hated me, it was beautiful. I ended up with a table of almost all women. My first 'behavior' was to complain about a female CFO client I was working with who "runs her company like her personal checkbook, she has to figure out which coupons to clip before she goes to the store to buy some groceries." You can imagine how that went over, and it was all downhill from there. By the end I was reminding them in no uncertain terms that I was the money-maker at the table and that the diversity project they were working on, while important, had better show a payoff on the bottom line.
I definitely had some rough spots and made mistakes but all in all it's amazing how gratifying it can be to have a whole table full of intelligent, friendly, nice women hate my guts.

There's no business...

...like show business. So I've taken three days off of my regular job to take my very first paying show business gig. It's pretty weird. I've been hired to play one of the roles in a pilot program to teach diversity awareness at a large financial institution (I signed a waiver so if I get any more specific than that they have the right to kill me.) There's a bunch of actors who've been hired to play workers who are getting reviewed (by unsuspecting real employees who think the whole thing is real) and of course they all have various issues; we have 3 three angry black women, 3 hard working but too demure to be noticed Asian women, and three superstar but secretly gay men. After the interviews everyone breaks for lunch...which is where I (and 2 other guys playing my part) come in. I'm the arrogant, total jerk boss. I grab a couple of groups (three of my fellow actor "employees," an HR plant to monitor and six real employees) and take them down the hall to lunch. And then proceed to be rude to people, bring up politics, ask inappropriate questions and just basically try to make things as uncomfortable as possible, but realistically...which is harder than it might sound...especially for someone such as myself; sensitive, quiet, and always the soul of tact.
Anyway it's been fun to meet all sorts of interesting people, some of whom make their living doing various low level show business type things (commercials, industrial films, etc.) . And if this pilot program flies it has the potential to turn into a steady job for a period of time.
To be honest at this point I hate it. I'm a nervous wreck and I keep forgetting the various lines and behaviors I'm supposed to introduce...not to mention the various acronyms and business-speak unique to this firm. I come home each night exhausted.
We've been learning, cramming, and rehearsing for the last two days. Tomorrow I'm "on" for my big 45 minute lunchtime performance. I'll let ya know how it went.

Mitt, Mitt, Mitt

Am I the only one who upon seeing our Governor’s picture on the front page of the Globe this morning, immediately began formulating obscene captions? He has such a look of Mormon earnestness on his face as he exuberantly demonstrates the correct way in which to plunge a sturdy steel shaft into a well drilled hole. And this before my Cheerios!

Happy Independence Day!

I got so enthusiastic about Canada Day that I bought a six pack of Molsen Canadian. One side of the bottle has the normal label, the other side has one that says "Certified Love Technician." It's possible I'm not their target audience. I'm going back to Bud Lite. Yay America!

Happy Canada Day!

Let's here it for the old red, white and...oh um...just the old red and white! Two years ago on this very day I was driving from Nova Scotia to P.E.I. listening to the CBC as the various hosts and guests waxed poetic about their national holiday. I love the CBC, it actually sounds like real normal people talking rather than the slickly defined persona's one has become used to here. Anyway, people kept mentioning Canada Day Cake. As best as I could determine this was a cake with red and white frosting. Driving along on my solitary jaunt it sure sounded good, in fact it sounded like the best thing ever. I began to formulate strategies and fantasies of how I could acquire a slice of this exotically patriotic pastiche. Alas, I never did. Just another one of those pleasures denied that remain an ever fresh temptation. This year I did buy some cupcakes with red, white, and blue sprinkles. A worthy compensation, but no match I am sure...for Canada Day Cake on July 3rd on a quiet sunny day half way between here and there.