You heard it here first

The U.S.A. Soccer team is the new Red Sox. Why? Because they are abject failures, but they are us.

a slight diatribe

For the past few mornings as I await the subway I've been noticing this ad for a new bank. If you open a new account you get free checking and a 22 piece barbecue tool kit. Now, here's the thing...how can there possibly be 22 different barbecue tools? I mean, one of the allures of barbecue is it's very simplicity...isn't it? Cooking meat over fire. Period. You could do it with a sharpened stick if you wanted. Tongs, spatula, a fork maybe. I don't even want to know what other barbecue tools could possibly exist. Can't we just keep it simple? Thank you.

The Herald goes for the Gusto

The Herald was not content to simply blow up a full size picture of Al-Zarqawi's gruesome death and plaster it on the front page under the tag-line "Gotcha." No, they also had the brilliant idea to add a word balloon with the phrase "Warm up the virgins," coming out of his mouth. One is uncertain whether to laugh or to cringe.

you scream

I went to the Doctor recently and he was concerned that I'm losing weight. So now I'm on the all ice cream sunday diet. God, the things I go through for good health.